by Ben Swithen

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A track from each year (more or less) since I started making music. There's a spoken introduction to each, in a separate track (so you can skip or delete 'em).

Some of these come from deep in the archive, so the quality pre-2010 is in all important ways a little variable.

Each track comes with an era-appropriate photo. The cover pic is a favourite of mine from Winter '07 - I always like its colours.


released July 4, 2017




Ben Swithen Sheffield, UK

Ben Swithen is a person.

Here you can find their music - solo work, and a Doctor-Who- and-Cheese double-concept concept-album by The Potential Bees (who are a two- or three- person band), which forces both concepts into every song).

You can also find Ben Swithen on Youtube, but why would you even?
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Track Name: 2004: The Aloe Vera Pirates
We are the deadly Aloe Vera Pirates
We have skills. For instance, I can spin plates.
We'll rob your submarine,
It's the best we've ever seen
For we've never seen a Submarine.

I wouldn't be sure of that!
You'll all of you's faint and lie down flat.
(Very flat)
Track Name: 2008: My Spoony Grease Loves the Baby
My spoony grease, well it loves the baby.
Will they marry? 8-ball says maybe.
But it's sixteen years under-age,
At least that's the case on the PAGE.

Born on February 29,
Spoony greasin' down the line
He'll be 25 in a hundred year
If that spoon's still around here.

Why does spoony grease fall in love?
Isn't bacon fat enough?
Pull your T-bird over in the lay-by
My spoony grease loves the baby!

It was a leap-year when I was born
My tiny life so full of thorns
I'm only loved by some spoony grease
Follow the law, call the police!

My greasy face, well I'm five years old:
My spoony gotta be steely cold.
I'm legally five, though honestly Abe-y,
My spoony grease loves the baby.
Track Name: 2009: The Price in Blood
All those who pick their noses
Tend to pay the price in blood
Take humanity, for instance
during famine, strife and flood
From BC to out in space
Their nosey pickings have no dearth
Distracting hearts and minds and noses
From the coming end of Earth

They pay the price in blood

When my nose bleeds cos I pick it,
I think my life's a poo,
But I was never betrayed by Mavic Chen
Like Earth in episode two.
It's no day of armageddon
When my nose spills over nice, clean bedding
And if it happened at my wedding
I'd be luckier than you.

All those who pick their noses
Tend to pay the price in blood
Take Mavic Chen for instance,
as a leader he's a dud.
He sold us to the Daleks,
and he fiddled with his snout
And in the end his evil masters
snuffed the man right out

He paid the price in blood

When I suffer Epistaxis from rhinotillexis,
I think my life's a poo
But humans of 4000
It's nothing compared to you
For from Hove to Mars to Ruritania
Your lives will be worse than Chen's uremia
It's worse than rhinotillexomania
But, here comes Dr Who!

Here comes Dr Who

While I cannot speak for his mighty nose
Nor whether his life's a poo
When he's not at war with villains
He's likely saving you
The only blood on his hands is from enemies noses
Or whatever these monsters have, one supposes
And he generally escapes, smelling of Rose's
To begin adventures new.

All those who pick their noses
Tend to pay the price in blood
From the cleanliness of kitchens
To the battlefields of mud
All paths to war and cruel intentions
With this thought are paved
If someone else could bleed for us
Our noses would be saves

They'll pay the price in blood!

All those who pick their noses
Tend to pay the price in blood
But there's a way to be made clean
By hope and soap and sud
Even those with massive counts of noses
Put unto the sword
Can be cleaned and made anew by faith in
Jesus Christ Our LORD

He paid the price in blood!

When my nose bleeds cos I wiggle my fingers in it
I think my life's a poo
But I look up to the stars, if they're out
And watch for a speck of blue
For the Earth won't be prematurely ended,
Between God and the Doctor, well we're well defended
And our nose-picking lives can be long and splendid
For he paid the price for you

He Paid the price in blood!
The Price is paid!
Track Name: 2013: Jobless Christmas Holiday
Jobless Christmas holiday
Unemployment, fun enjoy
No obligation, no reason to live
Drink the wine, got a present to give

Maybe I have acted in folly
Christmas, kittens, bells and holly
Lazy Christmas afternoon
Maybe I quit too soon?

Turkey, Hallelu , self-pity
You're like Christmas lights, you're so pretty
Happy new year poverty
Shining round the fir tree

It’s the time of love and understanding
Every vacancy is too demanding
I’m feeling Christmas in my heart
Where’s the art, and where are you?
I curse the things I do,
And you, and Christmas Doctor Who
Track Name: 2014: Rotherham Alabama
Am gwanna Rotherham, Alabama
Where the skies are gay.
Rotherham, Alabama
Live there til I'm old and growin
Older in the nighttime
Fatter by the the day
Am gwanna Rotherham, Alabama
I'll be goin nowhere's what I say
Cos Rotherham is five long miles away

Five long miles!
Five long miles!
I love to talk the talk
But that is further than a girl can walk
Rotherham is five long miles oh away.

Am gwanna Rotherham, Alabama
Where the folks are proud
Rotherham, Alabama
Be like everybody
Be a model of a person
And a member of a crowd
Am gwanna Rotherham, Alabama
I'll be goin nowhere in a shroud
Cos Rotherham is never now allowed

Not allowed!
Not allowed!
The city’s my ambition
But I’m dead I ain’t got no permission
Rotherham is never now allowed, no never now allowed

Rotherham is five long miles around.

Pick it !

(Rotherham Rotherham Rotherham, on organ)

Rotherham, I make it my part
To weep for the heart of Rotherham

Am gwanna Rotherham, Alabama
Last thing that I do.
Rotherham, Alabama
I have got to see it in the
Sunshine, and the rain
Oh man, I gotta see it through
Am gwanna Rotherham, Alabama
I am gonna tell you that it’s true
Am I gonna tell you that it’s true

Love me do!
Love me do!
But I gave my love to Rotherham,
I gave my love to Rotherham
And I don’t give a damn about you.
No, no no no,
Rotherham is five miles through
Track Name: 2014: 4000
I love the loins of Abraham, the father of our nation
The shining stars are in his seed,
His faith, as though it were a deed,
Attributed as righteousness
With hope and love and patience
Track Name: 2016: Greaves Grieves
Everybody wants to know why Greaves grieves
Everybody sees you sob and sigh, Greaves grieves
Maybe he's sad because the world is bad
and everybody leaves!
There are pains he can't ignore,
Suffering for evermore


Everybody wants to know why Greaves grieves
Everybody sees you sob and sigh, Greaves grieves
Oh say, does that star-spangled banner still wave,
Maybe he's sad because the world is bad
and everybody leaves?
Track Name: 2016: Greaves Grieves, choral theme
Greaves Grieves
Why does he grieve?
Track Name: 2016: The Ballad of Always Falling Man
Always falling man
Tumbling over without any plan
Falling as free and far as he can
and he’s always falling man
Always falling
An appalling calling
Airborn as a starling
To be Always Falling Man

Birthday bread for falling man
Bake it all up in a tub or a pan

Birthday day,
and he’s falling away
Never know what a person’ll say to an
Always falling man
Track Name: 2017: Worm Heaven
I don't want to go to Heaven,
I want to go to
Worm Heaven
Where the worms are warm,
We can ride out the storm
In a place that's safe and dirty.

I don't want to die,
If I can't try
Worm Heaven
Where the wiggly friends never end
And I never have to think
How much money I spend.

The one who made the worms reigns in glory
Telling the worms a bedtime story
Please, can't I go to Worm Heaven?