Wolfcastle Says Goodnight

by Bambling / Swithen

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about

This is a musical/album about a blues singer burning out in Vegas. We first released this in 2012, but it was so fun and miserable, and Wolfcastle so misogynistic a person, that I suppressed it and cursed it for years. And yet here it is, with a few edits, available to the world again.

This was actually the third story about blues-singer Randolf Wolfcastle, but it stands alone. It follows 'Wolfcastle: a Bluesical in Noir' (2007) a stage blues-musical murder-mystery we performed in Wakefield and Leeds, and 'Wolfcastle for America' (2009), a political double-album about his run for the presidency. The plots don't affect one another at all, so all you need to know is that Randolf Wolfcastle is a man.

Though he's a blues singer, none of these things have really featured much blues music. What is or are 'the Blues'? I cannot say! Probably not the contents of these songs.

credits

released June 15, 2012

Words and music by Chris Bambling and Ben Swithen

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about

Ben Swithen Sheffield, UK

Ben Swithen is a person.

Here you can find their music - solo work, and a Doctor-Who- and-Cheese double-concept concept-album by The Potential Bees (who are a two- or three- person band), which forces both concepts into every song).

You can also find Ben Swithen on Youtube, but why would you even?
... more

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Track Name: Wolfcastle Was a Blues Man
Wolfcastle was a Blues man
As famous for his movies as his songs
He was very nearly happy,
he had everything he wanted
How could it possibly go wrong
How could it possibly

Wolfcastle says goodnight
Wolfcastle says goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Track Name: Twenty-Seven Movies
I’ve made 27 movies
Each one of them bad
But these movies are the only
Parts I’ve ever had

I’ve been a racer car driver
A space rocket flier
A retired boxer
In one I was a rocker
A pitcher for the Red Socks
Who’d lived a life of hard knocks
An aging quaterback
Whose life has gone off track

A TV presenter
A United States Senator
I’ve played a movie actor
And a farmer with a tractor
The hero in a cape
Who never shows up late
A medical practitioner
Who practiced hare krishna

A private detective
Who lost his perspective
The Sheikh of Arabee
You couldn't tell it was me
They had me in blackface
Escaping the rat-race
I went to the moon
Sing some alien tunes


I was the cowboy king
Who lassooed everything
I faced an underwater menace
with vampires in venice
An aspiring athlete
Who lost his feet
I've been Hitler and Moses
And that guy who smelt roses

I've been Sherlock Holmes
And a captain of gnomes
A talking bear:
what was going on there?
The world was enamoured
By my face of Muhammad
A biopic of Mark Twain
And then Mark Twain again!

I’ve made 27 movies
And it kinda makes me sad
That these movies are the only
Parts I’ve ever had
Track Name: They Call Me Many Names
Well I heard that you were looking for
A man to call your own
A producer who was looser than the
Nooses you've grown
For a man to lead your life
Away from every sorry wife
And all those worthless things you've thrown
Know that I can do the duty
If you'll sign upon the line
There'll be every kind of booty
You'll be treated just fine
There'll be prizes waiting for you
Of legal age
Though you'd never guess it, looking through
The bars of the cage
I'll bribe the lawyers when you've socked her
For deriding your bone
Cause I heard that you were looking for
A man to call your own

Now, you'll never have a reason to be
Singing the blues
You'll have every little thing you desire
Fastest women, fastest cars,
Sing for me in expensive bars,
In eighteen months I'll let you retire
Just sell me your voice
Sing these popular songs
Just think of all those women, singing along
Now your old producer scarpered
Let you sink into the red
Just give it a week,
He's gonna turn up dead!
Yes I'll keep you clear of misery
And Mexicans and Jews
You'll never have a reason to be
Singing the blues

Know that I produce big records
And they call me many names
I'm the Spectre, I'm the Colonel, I'm the Lord.
Oh, but you can call me Master,
Play it slow, play it faster,
Play it smoother with a secret chord.
Know that I can get you riches
If you'll call me by the name
And your audience of bitches do the same.
Be the hero of America,
The one they admire
Earn the praises that they'll sing around your
Funeral pyre
Know your fame will be eternal
Though your body goes to flames
Know that I produce big records
And they call me many names.
Track Name: Money and Me
Now listen to me Wolfy,
I can make it worth your while
You gotta change location,
And I'm gonna change your style
Gonna change up what you're singing
And what you're singing for
You're gonna be the Wolfcastle
That no girl can ignore.

Gonna ship you down to Vegas,
There you're gonna make your pile
Your money, be so funny
When they're dancing in the aisles.
You're gonna be a hero,
Yeah, a true celebrity
You're doing it for money
And you're doing it for me

Yes we got ourselves a contract,
And before the ink is dry
Gonna put you on that airplane
Gonna tell you, man, goodbye
You're going to Nevada,
Which is where the cheques get paid
And you're getting yourself famous
And you're getting yourself laid
Track Name: Money Town
Bright Lights Shining, golden lining
Gotta keep those big stars signing
Top to bottom, gleaming Sodom,
If you're looking for the stars we've got 'em here.
Become somebody, find renown
In Money Town.

Always sunny, always money
Land of fun and games and milk and honey
Vegas wedding, wipe-down bedding
Land of Liberty is where you're heading,
Take off your hat, equip a crown
In Money Town.

Spend those winnings
Ever grinning
If it's confident, it isn't sinning
Play life's lotto
Wake up blotto
Everywhere you go's a Santa's Grotto.
Come to money town
Come to money town
Wolfcastle!

Easy women, all the trimmings
So much whiskey flows, enough to swim in
Stimulation, celebration,
Any novel form of penetration, now.
All merriments state law will allow,
In Money Town.

So much wine a man could drown
In Money Town

You'll be high, never down
In Money Town.

Touched down in Vegas and the place looked like a million dollars
Just had my coat, my hat, and a million dollars,
And a booking for the evening and a glittering dream
And a hunger for a woman and a Krispy Kreme

I paraded my money, and soon I'd been sold
A silver Chevrolet, and one of solid gold
A suit made of saffron and eau de cologne
A platinum sandwich, with beef on the bone

I'll be king of the city and make all the love
I'll be singing downstairs, and romancing above
It's hot and it's pretty, it's Heaven and Hell
The Wolfcastle suite in the biggest hotel
Track Name: Fell in Love With Women
I met my wife in forty nine
She hadn't got a clue
About satisfying Wolfcastle
So now her bills are due
Never gave me what I wanted
Never gave me a son,
So I fell in love with women in
Nineteen fifty one

Now dames can be demanding
You're probably one yourself
There's a lot of you about
After Wolfcastle's wealth
But if you catch my eye,
Well, I'll see what I can do,
You know, I fell in love with women back in
Nineteen fifty two

You don't have to be in Mensa,
Don't have to be saved,
Don't need to have a senator
Back in your daddy's grave
You just got to be beautiful
And say the same to me
Cos I fell in love with women back in
Nineteen fifty three

I fell in love with women, I was lucky, others
Fall for men or goats or mirrors, pictures, even mothers,
Or little little girls or little boys
But that's one thing Wolfcastle don't enjoy, oh no no no

Let's cut to the chase now,
The years have gone by
And every damn year
Women catch Wolfy's eye
I'm always in love
Ain't it always the way
That I fell in love with women today.
Track Name: Spies in the Bakery of Love
Bb
Diplomatic Intervention
Cm7
A sideways re-invention
F7 Bb
Of a cake that will never rise
Bb7
I’d stand interrogation
Cm7
But you lack the attention
F7 Bb
To hear the recipe of the prize

Cm F7 Bb
There’s a spy in the bakery of love
Cm F7 Bb
Stealing my famous oven glove
Cm7
My spatula lies broken
Gm
I fell with a thud
Cm F7 Bb
For that spy in the bakery of love

Eb
Espionage in my kitchen
Cm7
Observations of the heart
Eb
We can’t cook at these temperatures
F7
The meal will tear apart

CHORUS

Gm
As I met your stare
F
My dish unprepared
Gm F
The ingredients form a perfect blend
Dm
Were you unaware
Gm
Of what we must beware
C F Bb/F Cm4-5/F
No time for breaking eggs again


BACK TO THE TOP FOR VERSE 1 AGAIN

CHORUS
Track Name: Trolley Dash
Lying in my bed
City sounds outside
It's 3am
Couldn't sleep if I tried
I've got the stomach,
I got the cash
I got the hunger for a trolley dash

Supermarket
Sandwich hour
Gotta stack it
Like a tower

I've got the stomach
Got the cash
Got the hunger for a trolley dash

I got a hunger for a trolley dash
I got a hunger for a trolley dash (repeat under)

Roast beef, gherkin, chicken
Mayo, cheese, cotton-picking,
Sausage roll, southern fried
Little cakes with cream inside
Western grilled, spicy eyes,
Chocolate soufflé, freedom fries,
Bag of mincin's on the go
Gristle, thistles, bread and dough
Peanut butter, jelly too
Black pudding, sticky goo
Egg and chilli, pancake mix
Cookie dough, candlesticks,
Zoflora, marzipan
Prince Albert in a can
Maple syrup, frankfurt doag
Nitty gritty, Francais frogue


Check out aisle
Eyebrows raised
Midnight shopping's
My new craze

I've got the stomach
Got the cash
Got the hunger for a trolley dash


Boiled salami, 'mato soup,
Tiger steak and panda poop
Engine oil to fry a steak
Irish whiskey, toilet cake
Dodo egg is mighty nice
You can get em, for a price
Cucumber and warfirin
Chocolate pencils in a tin
Salt and pepper by the sack
Anything's good with Mont'ray Jack
Shark fin soup and buttered eel
Gruel and snake and Spanish seal
Bacon, sausage, bacon too
Leather, soap and kangaroo
Eggs and muffins by the yard
Porky chops and lumpy lard

Nine hours later
On the john
Stomach rumbles
on and on

I've got the stomach
Got the cash
Got the hunger for a trolley dash
Track Name: Better Watch Out
American denim, double-neck guitar
And a sandwich and a danish, and he's singing in the bar
And he'll try to take you home in his American car
You'd better watch out for Wolfcastle

They say he likes to gamble, and he's always gotta win.
They say he likes the glitter, and the butter and the gin.
They say he likes the women; they say he likes the sin.
You better watch out for Wolfcastle

It's your pleasure when he's singin', every syllable and howl
But you better watch your women when the Wolf is on the prowl.

They say he's getting fat - he's got a real big-shot life
And he's always on the prowl for another trophy wife.
He doesn't need to listen - he's got whisky and a knife
You'd better watch out for Wolfcastle

You can find him in the cafe, you can find him on the john
You can find him in your hotel, when you ain't got nothing on
And you'll never see him after - in a moment he is gone
Yeah, you better watch out for Wolfcastle

W! Wolfcastle!
O! Olfcastle!
L! Lfcastle!
F! Fcastle!
C! Castle!
A! Astle!
S! Stle!
T! Tle!
L! Le!
E! E!
Wolfcastle! Watch out!

He's the man who's got a record out for everyone to hear
He's the one your mother warned you of, the man who's coming here
With his promises and lies and his belly full of beer
You'd better watch out for Wolfcastle
Yeah, you'd better watch out for Wolfcastle
Track Name: Having Fun Onstage with Wolfcastle
My body's gettin fat
My heart ain't gettin thinner
I only got my mind
To lie awake at night
But when you're gettin lonely
You focus on your dinner
And think about the day you'll die

Will I be leaving Las Vegas in a body bag?
Will I be leaving Las Vegas, yee hah!
When my rock and rolling life gets to being a drag
Will I be leaving Las Vegas in a body bag?

Well I'm sorry if y'all audience
Expected the Blues
But my banjo and my band are high above it
How could I be unhappy
I've got everything to lose
But it's dinner in an hour
And I love it

Will I be leaving Las Vegas in a body bag?
Will I be leaving Las Vegas, yee hah!
Will I leave these famous nobodies,
Their money and swag
Will I be leaving Las Vegas in a body bag?

Instrumental

Will I be leaving Las Vegas in a body bag?
Will I be leaving Las Vegas, yee hah!
When my stomach keeps expanding and my body parts sag
Will I be leaving Las Vegas in a body bag?
Track Name: There's No Gambling
There's no gambling
Nobody's taking a chance
Every night
I'm always dancing the same dance
For heaven's sakes, casino show
That taking risks is a no-go
There's no gambling
There's no dice to throw

There's no gambling
Nobody's showing their cards
They may hold all the aces
But I know they've no hearts
The dealer says it's in the deal
But that don't make it real
There's no gambling
They won't let me spin the wheel

There's no gambling
The stakes are never raised
The pulse never quickens
Only my rage
When I'm up there on that stage
I might as well be in a cage
There's no gambling
Just this malaise

Sing a song for boredom
The drinks are all on me
I'll be here all night long
won't you keep me company?

There's no gambling
The whole game is a bluff
In time the tables will turn
The crowd will cry ENOUGH!
It's a circle, a hamster wheel
There's no edges for you to feel
and no gambling
That is the deal
Track Name: A Millionaire Sleeps Tonight
Evening time and i'm feeling groggy
I need a little pick me up
A couple of pills washed down with coffee
Yeah gotta love that stuff
Now i'm set to go
To spread a little fun and joy
I bring to the stage a reputation
Which at this stage i could only destroy
But tonight i want it different
I just want to kill the lights
Tell those folks the party's canceled
The millionaire sleeps tonight

Haven't seen sunlight since august
Been rattling round in this hotel
The suite has a bar and pool
So i guess that's pretty swell
Security let some groupies in
Though i'd rather talk to a real fan
One who understands my music
And who'll tell me how great i am
But they know i'm going nowhere
And i know the mirrors aren't a pretty sight
Tell those vultures to lay off now
So the millionaire can sleep tonight

[short verse for instrumental break]
There's two books on my bedside table
The ladies love a man who reads
Theres a cup of pills to help me sleep
And a mask to help me breathe
Sometimes i get so wild and anxious
Still i feel too tired to face this plight
If my eyes could just stay closed forever
The millionaire will sleep tonight
Track Name: On the Job
There are special cops in Vegas who will always see you right.
They know the names and secrets and they come out in the night.
They visited discreetly, to dodge the baying mob,
Said, 'at least he died on the job',
At least he died on the job.

Wolfcastle always said he had a dicky dicky heart.
The doctors all apologised - they couldn't make it start:
He strained himself too far, an unsustainable throb.
At least he died on the job.
At least he died on the job.

He had a constipated look, every kind of pain:
The face that I'll remember if I think of him again.
Those girls without their dresses on, the burger on the hob.
At least he died on the job.
At least he died on the job.
Track Name: Dead and Gone
Now, Wolfcastle was a singer,
He was even once a man
Before his love of loving
And his Vegas years began.
He used to be an excellent,
Used to be a great
Now he's just a womanising
Butter-eating hate
He used to be a blues man,
Used to have the touch
Now he says 'I hate my life',
Not, 'thank you very much'

You used to like his company
Even praise and laud
Now you can't recall the reason
And he cannot afford
To live the life he's living
Or any life at all.
You used to buy his records
And listen to them all
But now you know the truth about
The man behind the songs
You know his time is over
And you know where he belongs

Now, there's a joy to trashing
A childhood idol,
To screwing some old favourite
Who's angling for revival
Burning up an innocent
Who looks a little guilty
Throwing out your hero
Cause his edges are dirty
But every part of Wolfcastle
Is looking dark and wrong
Perhaps it's time that Wolfcastle was
Dead and gone.

Dead and gone
Gone and soon forgotten
Old photos thrown away
And the body going rotten

If you ever loved him
Say it was a lie
Dead and gone
Memories can die


Randolf Wolfcastle,
Let us all forget.
If he left a worthwhile legacy
We haven't found it yet.

Throw out all your records
Never speak his name
It's time to torch the merchandise
Eradicate his fame

Let this be the end
Let this be the end
He hardly was a man at all
Never was a friend

Only a celebrity
Only just a song
Only just a voice
And that is dead and gone
Track Name: interlude before bonus tracks
Turn tape over. Turn tape over.
Track Name: Wolfcastle Says Goodnight [cut song]
I cook a little supper,
Bacon, sausages and Smores
And I tell the world goodnight,
And I double-lock the doors
I might have a private audience
I pay her if I must
And I sing to her
While thinking of her bust

We have a kind of boogie
I kiss her on the cheek
We make a little loving
I cry myself to sleep
And dream about the happy times
And at the crack of dawn
I wake up cold and sweating
And she's gone
Track Name: I'm the Guy [cut song]
Well I promised you the blues
And I promised you love
I give it to a few
Will I give it to you

When you're cryin' on the john
Cos all your money is gone
Just think of me
You'll be as happy as can be

I'm the guy, the one they call Wolfcastle
Would it really be a hastle to think of me,
And buy a record?

Even as the sun goes down
On money town
Just you remember,
I'll be in Vegas til November

When you're goin' to the chair
And your momma doesn't care
Just sing my song
Somewhere, I'll sing along

I'm the guy, the one they call Wolfcastle
Give me a shot,
And I'll tell you, thanks a lot
Track Name: BB King of the Blues [cut song]
He's a singer, he's a King
He's a singing Dr. King
He's big, he's bad
You gotta give it him
He's paid his dues
He's Wolfcastle
The BB King of the Blues

He's an actor, he's a star
He drives a big red motor car
He's rough, he's tough
He's the ticket you're sure to choose
He's Wolfcastle
The BB King of the Blues

He's fab, he's in style
He'll be well thought of for a little while
He's King of the Hill
He's top of the Bill
If you've forgotten then here's the clue
He's Wolfcastle
The BB King of the Blues
Track Name: On the Job [demo]
There are special cops in Vegas who will always see you right.
They know the names and secrets and they come out in the night.
They visited discreetly, to dodge the baying mob,
Said, 'at least he died on the job',
At least he died on the job.

Wolfcastle always said he had a dicky dicky heart.
The doctors all apologised - they couldn't make it start:
He strained himself too far, an unsustainable throb.
At least he died on the job.
At least he died on the job.

He had a constipated look, every kind of pain:
The face that I'll remember if I think of him again.
Those girls without their dresses on, the burger on the hob.
At least he died on the job.
At least he died on the job.
Track Name: The Millionaire Sleeps Tonight [demo]
Evening time and i'm feeling groggy
I need a little pick me up
A couple of pills washed down with coffee
Yeah gotta love that stuff
Now i'm set to go
To spread a little fun and joy
I bring to the stage a reputation
Which at this stage i could only destroy
But tonight i want it different
I just want to kill the lights
Tell those folks the party's canceled
The millionaire sleeps tonight

Haven't seen sunlight since august
Been rattling round in this hotel
The suite has a bar and pool
So i guess that's pretty swell
Security let some groupies in
Though i'd rather talk to a real fan
One who understands my music
And who'll tell me how great i am
But they know i'm going nowhere
And i know the mirrors aren't a pretty sight
Tell those vultures to lay off now
So the millionaire can sleep tonight

[short verse for instrumental break]

There's two books on my bedside table
The ladies love a man who reads
Theres a cup of pills to help me sleep
And a mask to help me breathe
Sometimes i get so wild and anxious
Still i feel too tired to face this plight
If my eyes could just stay closed forever
The millionaire will sleep tonight