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Adric was wonderful. He was a jerk, and always looked smelly. I identified with him.


Cheese in N-space, not like E-space
Whey back home I had my Cheese-space
Milked arithmetic full-throttle
I like brie mathematically modelled
Call me Adric, genius teen
My mind’s quicker than an adding machine
Mathemagic’s my vocation
Summoning brie by calculation

Wake at noon from comfy slumbers
Breakfast starts with chanting numbers
Mathematical excellence
Is a higher form of common sense
I like brie with a little bit o riverfruit
Steal it, peel it, life’s a hoot
Artful dodging, petty crime
Pretty, whiney, travels in time.

The tale’s true, and very tragic
Evermore remember Adric
He crashed down in history!

Genius child, I do the math
Never take time for a shower or a bath
I wear pyjamas in my home
And I wear brie, it’s my cologne
Tegan, Nyssa, love that smell
And I’ll bet the Master does as well
What’s so bad about the smell of cheese?
What can be fresher than a wafting breeze

People make me sad and hungry
What can I do but answer bluntly?
Sometimes I lose confidence,
But when I’m making my brie and wearing my scents,
I can feel so proud of my mathemathemagic,
Tell you all the story of the boy named Adric,
Be the hero of my science,
Star and intellectual giant.

Block o cheese transfer computation,
That’s my standard deviation.
No flies in my numerical ointment.
Charge it to my vacuum emboitment!
But even with Brie I feel alone.
Sometimes I wish I could go back home.
It won’t be easy, the risk is high,
But I’m clever and bright and I’ll never die.

He crashed down in history!
And he can never return to me!

Gotta do the math!
It’s my Alzarian metabolism!
Gotta do the math!

Fade out.


from Time and Relative Digressions on Cheese, released June 30, 2015




Ben Swithen Sheffield, UK

Ben Swithen is a person.

Here you can find their music - solo work, and a Doctor-Who- and-Cheese double-concept concept-album by The Potential Bees (who are a two- or three- person band), which forces both concepts into every song).

You can also find Ben Swithen on Youtube, but why would you even?
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